What constitutes and defines a woman vastly varies depending on where you ask and on how specific you want to be. Some say being a woman is no more than two X-chromosomes and a female organ, some say it is much more than that. Of course, this being my blog and my writing, I’m going to be writing about what being a woman means to me and its significant. This is one of the few topics that challenges me as I grow up and explore my identity; even now, it is still hard for me to describe what a “woman” is; and I refuse to believe that a woman is simply two X-chromosomes and a vagina. Let me say that I’m writing this isn’t to argue about transgender rights, and that I just want to critically think about what defines a woman socially, culturally and a little biologically. However, I don’t think that it would be fair to touch this issue without writing about transgenderism along with the topic, because it is through transgenderism that the solid idea of ‘sex” is being challenged. The definition of woman for me has constantly evolved, and maybe five years later, this article will no longer reflect how I feel. But with that being said, I think it is important to note that this is purely my observation and experience as a young woman who is just in her early adult years; when compared to older women, I definitely lack both insights and experiences to truly understand womanhood. Therefore, please read what I write through skeptical lens and know that this is just my young and immature opinion.

Probably one of the biggest things that defines a woman to me, are her feelings and experiences. Now, how does one define “feeling?” How does one define “experience?” Every woman has her own experiences and feelings, and even when compared to other women under similar experiences, how they feel toward it might be very different. On a culture level, are there any experiences that is shared by all women? Surely, to some women, they remember their first period, or how one time an unexpected, bad “time of the month” happened to stained their outfit; to another, it might be their first crush and their first date, when they tried to dress up so hard and look their best for the significant other. However, regarding periods, for some women who have medical problems that prevent them from having periods (for example, Turner syndrome, in fact, I will get back to this when we talk about XX later), does that make them any less of a woman? What about experiences that we taken for granted that a young girl will grow up to experience? Not every woman chooses to pregnant, thus essentially cutting out one of the most unique experience that any woman can undergo. I don’t think there are really any experiences that truly defines a woman EXCEPT the self-awareness that they are one. If a woman is self-aware that she is a woman, then she probably is. Through different experiences in life, whether it is through having her first period or giving birth, a woman just kinda “knows” that she is one, whether it is logical, biological (hey look I have a vagina), or just a hunch. Self awareness is the basis that defines a woman. The biggest question now is: “How do you know for sure?” Answer? You don’t. While it is quite easy for a lot of women to know for sure that they are a woman, it gets really tricky, especially when it come to transgender people - a 12 years old boy decided that he wanted to be a girl after wearing a dress a few times because he “felt pretty”, is this a girl speaking from inside of a boy’s body, or is it just a boy who happened to feel pretty and wanted to be a girl just so he can wear dresses and be accepted? While I am skeptical and can be quite critical when I look into the transgender community, I do think that some people’s “awareness” should be reconsidered. I also think that I don’t have the right to judge because I,myself, lack the experiences that they go through.

While I was growing up, I heard various different messages about what a woman is “supposed” to be. The “sex positive” feminists told me that a women are the “sexually oppressed” and ‘need to be liberated;’ the Christians told me that women are supposed to be a good wife, domestic worker who comforts her husband. While I think that the biggest thing that defines a woman is the self-awareness of a woman, as I stated, it is only the basic building block of the definition of a woman. On a the social scale, the definition of a woman evolves with time, and a “true” woman of the 19th century isn’t the same as a “true” woman of the 20th, or the 21st century. Just like self-awareness, the social definition of a woman vastly depends on who you ask; I remember my dad scolded me while I was wearing a yellow skater skirt with a dark green t-shirt. I was told that “No woman dresses like that” and told my mom to “teach her how to dress like a woman.” I was actually quite upset when he said that because I really wasn’t dressing indecently. I had tights underneath my skater skirt and for the most part, I was well covered. Growing up in an Asian household, I saw a very rough definition of what defines a woman, as well as a harsh and rough beauty standards. This led me to believe that socially a woman shouldn’t be defined by the way she dresses/looks or by a beauty standard. And since being exposed to both American culture and Asian culture, I think the social definition should be universal and not bind to the individual cultural standard. When you remove the culture, the only thing left to define a woman is up to the individual, and in my case, I chose to believe that the social definition of a woman is someone who is not just self-aware that she is a woman, but also embraces it, choosesto express it (whether it’s through the conventional means of femininity like wearing a dress, or you know, just scream “I’M A GIRL” while having a boy haircut and wearing boy clothes), acknowledging and accepting womanhood and the problems that go along with being one. Don’t get me wrong, all it takes is the self-awareness to be a woman to me, but to truly understand womanhood, one has to experience more than just the self-awareness, one has to experience the pain and injustices that still exists on even today and have to experience the joy and happiness that comes with being one.

The last topic that I wanted to touch on this is probably the most controversial one: biology. I used to be EXTREMELY anal about this topic and think that all women must have a vagina. The genetics didn’t matter to me, mind you, XY or XX. It didn’t matter since to most people, they can’t tell what your genes are without doing a medical examination, BUT they can tell whether you have a bulge or not in your pants. Over time though, I guess I just became more lenient, while I still somewhat try to hold firmly to the belief that all women must have a vagina. Transwoman must fully commit to having an operation to be a woman,and if they can’t yet, they must at least be willing to. But as I dig into women’s issues, I guess it isn’t the case anymore. The biggest issue that come to mind when we argue about biology is the extreme cases - hermaphrodite/intersex, and transgender. First of all, there are many different cases of intersex - XY female, XX male, XXY, X, etc, and guess what? Some of them despite being intersex, identify as female, is legally female, and is acknowledged as female by general population, no questions ask. Take an example, what I said in the earlier paragraph - Turner syndrome, a genetic condition in which a female only has one X. If we wanted to be technical, biologically no, they aren’t “female” if being a female means you have two X, they would be “half” female. But no, they are female despite what their genes say. What about people with XXY that have genital surgery at birth and live their life as happy females? Are they any less female because they have an extra Y chromosome? I don’t think so. With that being said, why would a transgender woman be any less of a woman if she has an X and a Y? In fact, why should any woman’s genetics be an issue at all when you can’t even see it?

Like I said before, I am not arguing for transgenderism or against it, though I do plan to write on it at one point or another. Being a woman has been a gift, a blessing, and a burden to me, but I am grateful to be one. If given a choice at birth, I would choose to be a woman again. Definition of a woman might change with time, but for me, it’s a sacred relationship and a journey of exploration to understand my existence. Like all things, in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter what the definition of a woman is. Though through writing this out, I hope that I might reach out to other women who might struggle with their sense of identities, and help me sort out my own feelings.